The greatest Sitcom Character of all time

Karen Delaney St. Croix Popeil Walker Finster (born Karen Delaney on January 12, 1959) is a fictional character on the American television sitcom Will & Grace (1998-2006). She is portrayed by actress and singer Megan Mullally. Although Karen was originally conceived as a supporting character role for Will & Grace, her escapades became a more prominent part of the show based on positive viewer reaction. She was a multi-millionaires thanks to her marriage to Stan Walker (an unseen character) until discovering he was broke. In response to popular demand, herewith some quotes of the Greatest Sitcom Character of all time:

I always worked before I married money. I joke. Of course I mean Stan. I joke. Of course I mean money.

You and Will? Woman, are you insane? You can't share a bathroom with the person you're living with. Honey, do you know where Stan's bathroom is? God, I don't even know where Stan's bathroom is.

Honey, listen to me. You're in a gay club with a nice ass. Start shakin' that moneymaker!

Oh, I don't know, Will. I mean, in a lot of ways, I have a very good life. A home in the city, a home in the country, a boat, jewelry, art, cars, a chef, a trainer, an ass-kicking wardrobe.

I guess in a lot of ways I'm kind of like a younger, much more beautiful version of Leona Helmsley. First, you marry for money, and then, you find yourself loving the old coot. Then he drops dead, and you get the money anyway. It's a win-win.

What are you doing here? You were on a date, honey. You should have a tongue in your ear right now.

Bacne? Oh, who am I kidding? It's alabaster from my neck to my ass.

Rosario, por favor, honey, easy on the fabric softener, ok? No--no, honey. Enough-o with the April Fresh-o.

Rosario. Hi, honey, listen, I'm running a little late. Yeah, things are muy loco at the oficina. Mmm, listen, I'm gonna need you to feed the kids and read 'em something before bedtime. Well, I don't know, honey. Why don't you read them that book they love? Green Eggs and I'm Hammered.

No, Rosario, now why would I want to speak to them?

Honey, come on, what's the problem? You can have anything you want. You just have to learn to compromise. I mean, take me and Stan. If he wants a little touchy-touchy... Well, if I cooperate, then I get a house in the Bahamas . It's tit for tat.

Grace, the bitch we hate is on line one.

Honey, your new dump smells like cat pee.

Honey, you married help. You're help. Oh, and, um, one other thing: Stan sleepwalks, so if you bump into him in the middle of the night and he puts the moves on you, just go with it. You might get a mink in the morning.

Oh, for God's sake, it's just gonna be the 4 of us! Grab a bottle, hunker down, and pray for daylight!

I opened the window to yell at somebody on the street for wearing palazzo pants, and... before I could say "Hey, loser," Bird took off.

That's right, we'll do a little mud, a little seaweed, totally detox. Then we'll get plastered, and go over to my stepkids' school for a little parent-teacher conference.

Honey, Stan can't make it. He's having some work done on his Mercedes. Or his... kidneys... I wasn't really paying attention.

All right, this shouldn't take long. He'll tell me the fat one set something on fire. I'll buy him a new science wing. And bibbity-bobbity-boo! Everybody's happy!

You call me down to this godforsaken place, to tell me my kids made the honor roll?! Honey, my time is precious! Call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!

Good lord. A pack of cigs and a pregnancy scare and this could be high school.

All right. Don't be too chatty. Just make your breasts sound big.

He thinks you've got big melons. So if I were you, Grace, I would figure out a way to turn those honey don'ts into some honeydews!

What are you lookin' at, sideburns? Never seen somebody with money and soap?

There's a needle full of botulism with my forehead's name written all over it.

I was just out of college. I was broke. It's the oldest story in the world. Boy meets girl, boy wants girl to do dominatrix film, girl says, "naked?" Boy says, "yeah." Girl says, "forget it." Boy says, "ok, then just wear this rubber dress and beat the old guy with a scrub brush." Girl says, "how hard?”

Honey, what are you doing? That tongue of yours could have a career. It's drivin' me crazy.

By your inflection, I can tell that you are implying what you're saying is funny, but...no.

Honey, uh, when it comes to potential mates, I-- this is hard for me to say, but... You date losers. Hey, that wasn't so hard. Ha ha!

Oh, Jack. It warms my heart to hear you say that. Or maybe it's the gin rickey I just had in the limo. Ha ha ha ha! Even on skid row I'm funny.

Speaking of things you scrape off your shoe, get out of here!

See, now that's where you're wrong. Men are like dogs: you can either neuter 'em or train 'em.

Easy-squeezie. It's all about communication. You want to just sit him down and you say, "Honey, you take one more picture like that and... I'm not going to have sex with you anymore." Huh? Yeah? How about that? Ha ha.

Grace Adler Designs. Oh, hi, Pharmacist. No, honey, I don't need anything for the weekend. Unless the F.D.A. has approved something new. Oh, terrif. Send me a bottle. Yeah, actually, make it two. Yeah, we're taking family portraits this weekend. Ok, send my best to Lorraine and the kids. Kisses!

Give it to me straight, Doc. Am I looking at a future filled with loneliness and memories of better days? Or is Stan gonna die?

Ba-ba-ga-ga-da-pa-pa! You played with me and you lost. Let that be a lesson to you. I think you forgot, kiddies, Karen Walker doesn't do emotions. Now get the hell out of here.

Oh, oh, come on, honey, let me stay. I've always wanted to see those people up close instead of just driving through their habitat and having them jump on the hood of the car. Come on, please. Oh, please?

No. Thank God my boobs are like arms. I was able to distract Stan with one of them, while the other one motioned for Lionel to get out the door!

Well, all I know is when I woke up this morning, there was red hair on my pillow and lesbian porn in the VCR.

Honey, that's great. So I helped someone. Hopefully, this will count toward my community service. I'm sick of pickin' up trash in the park with that kid from 'The Sopranos.'

I know, honey. Grace is driving me nuts, too. She can't concentrate on work anymore. Mm-mm. She just sits around all day, doodling pictures of people's houses on these enormous sketch pads. And then, she's on the phone all the time, ordering furniture? Honey, where's she gonna put all that, huh? In these "houses" she's drawing? Oh...

Okay, honey. Don't blame me if Will is empress of gay America and you're in Fort Lee doing The Vagina Monologues. Okay?

Yeah, I am fine. It's just this song. Stan always puts it on whenever we're making love. Or as I like to call it, being trapped under rubble.

Well, I feel a little bit uncomfortable. All of these gay eyes on me. Judging me. Undressing me. Then dressing me up again in a different outfit.

So. It's been going on for months. She works in the prison cafeteria. The hairnet... the pork chops... how can I compete with that? Apparently, she had him at jello.

It's been super cool. Yeah, it's all braiding each other's hair, pillow fights, comparing breast size. Then Marlo comes home, and the fun stops.

Listen, I do not need your help, all right? I may be alone, broke, living in a car and spooning a domestic, but Karen Walker has her dignity. Got it? Here. Throw away my urine.

Oh. Hi, honey. Listen, you gotta talk to that shower head. He got a little fresh. I had to put him in his place. Well... my place.

Oh, Will, someone was asking about you in the elevator. Yeah, it was your youth, and it wants its shirt back.

No! I'm not Grace. I'm not gonna go to some gay piano bar with you and sing crappy show tunes, while we slug back dirty marti's and make out.

You know, in the early days, we didn't always have it easy, like you. No. We had to go down to Chinatown , where they'd inject our frown lines with mayonnaise that had been left out in the sun for a week.

Oprah can be a lot of fun. And there's no one I'd rather have watching my back in a bar fight.

That was wild, wasn't it, Jackie? The way Grace just kind of spooked and ran off. Kind of like Rosie whenever I fire my gun in her room just as she's falling asleep.

Anyhoo-- Some things may have... been set on fire. A bellboy may have been stripped and shaved. A young girl may have become a mother. Bottom line... They kicked me out. And no hotel in New York will have me. And I need a place to stay. A-ha-ha-ha!

All I did was invite Ol' Dirty Bastard over to watch Masterpiece Theatre. And he brought along his whole posse. And some bomb-ass chronic. Heh-heh!

He has no sense of humor. He didn't laugh at all when that M-80 went off in his toilet.

Honey, why don't you join Jackie and me in my suite at The Palace Hotel, huh? It's gonna be a real old fashioned Christmas. The stockings will be hung by the chimney with care. And I'll be stinking drunk.

I see Santa's crack!

Oh, I am full. I cannot drink another bite.

What? You mean like on a date? Oh, I don't know. I've been married to Stan for so long, the last time I was on a date, Bush was president and we were about to go to war with Iraq.

Oh, kids. It was amazing. We talked. We laughed. He walked me home. He was such a gentleman. He opened the door for me. I opened my shirt for him. He gave me a little kiss, and we said good night.

Oh... So, Wilma, honey, listen. I forget, what are you these days, gay or straight? Wait, wait, wait. Let me do a little test. Okay, there's a penis and a vagina in a tent. And it's on fire. Which do you save?

What a waste! I choppered that girl in from Brooklyn and all I got was a lousy massage! I get more play outta Rosie when she's washing my bra with me still in it.

Well, there is, Jackie. You know, there's, uh, one last box of my personal effects at the mans. It's mostly sentimental stuff-- Old photos, birthday cards. The receipt I got when Rosario 's parents sold her to me. That kinda thing.

Oh, Jackie, thank you. At last, I'm out of Stan's shadow. Well, if I leave the Tristate area.

You backstabbing boy bitch! You are never, never seeing her again! Do you hear me?! You stay away from that London hog, or I'll put fishhooks in your nipples and fly you off the Chrysler Building ! You got that?!

I don't know what it is. Everywhere I go, I see Stan. Hmm. In the thick ankles of a bakery clerk. In the sagging breasts of a bus driver. Even in the eyes of a fat baby.

Oh, you wanna play this game? My half-ton husband spent 13 months in prison, met some hussy in the cafeteria. Now they're shacked up at my mansion, sharing the bed we used to make rabid love in.

Oh, my mood stabilizer party mix. Uppers, downers, and candy corn. And don't tell my doctor, he's trying to get me off sugar.

Careful with those tips, I want them nice and pointy in case I have to stab someone in the neck.

Oh... Honey, we're all lesbians when the right guy isn't around, huh?

Oh. I'm from... Margaritaville.

No. It's all a lie. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not good or real. I'm evil and imaginary. And I'm rich. Filthy rich!

God, this is great. Casual sex, mookie bartenders, dirty futons... This is the stuff of life. I'm gonna get an S.T.D. tonight!

Hey, for your information, he just won Deborah Harry a huge settlement from the tabloids for saying that she showed up at the market with undies on her head. Which she did. I'd show you pictures, but I sold them to the tabloids.

Oh, my. How would you like to live under my skirt?

Nice outfit for a funeral. If that dress were any shorter, I could see your English muffin.

Most of you know about the recent trouble Stan and I have had. Just in case you don't, I'll get you up to speed. The British whore killed him.

Well, swell party. My stepson's no longer a virgin. Thanks, Debbie Harry!

No, Stan wanted his ashes scattered in the Caribbean off the back of his yacht. It's going to feel very empty there without him. Of course, any place would feel empty without Stan. He took up a lot of room.

Well, if everybody's ready, we should get started. I wouldn't want Grace to be late to the MTV beach house.

Thank you all for being here today. This was one of Stan's favorite spots. He spent many an afternoon doing cannonballs off of the side of this boat. He destroyed an entire ecosystem, and created that small chain of islands.

He would've liked to see us holding hands. And making love. And taking a shower.

Honey, I'm sorry. You're right. If you hadn't turned your support hose into a life vest and used your bra as a sail... I might not still be here.

Well, of course he has feelings for you, honey. I mean, look at his love life. The only man he's had in the last 16 years is Grace.

Let's cut through the bull. If you want to win, we're gonna have to cheat. So I'll write 30 words on my left boob and 32 on my right. What? It's a little bit bigger. And that's normal.

Oh, how sweet. A gay man living with his mother. Would you like me to preheat the oven, or you wanna just jump right in?

Or-- Or-- I could do to her what she did to Stan. Have sex with her until she dies! Yep, that's what I'm gonna do. Open up, Lorraine ! And put on a condom!

Hey, hey, hey. Come on! I know what guilt is. It's one of those touchy-feely words that people throw around that don't really mean anything. You know, like maternal or addiction.

I'm fabulous... I'm an incredible dresser, I've got buckets of money, I'm a hoot and a half, and I got a killer rack!

Honey, What’s this? What’s happening? What’s going on?

Husbands come and go, but the Chanel slingback is forever!

You call me down to this godforsaken place, to tell me my kids made the honour roll? Honey, my time is precious. Call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!

Lordy, Lordy, Look at all the freaks!

The only other person I've apologized to was my mother, and that was court ordered. So take the apology in the spirit it was intended, or I'll kick you in the generals.

If you want people to like you - you have to buy them things!

Honey, I often ask people on my staff to do different things. Cook sometimes cleans. Cleaner sometimes cooks. Driver sometimes provides an alibi.

Drive a car, drive a boat, drive a plane. As long as I'm drunk, what's the difference?

Oh, for God’s sake, it’s just going to be the four of us. Grab a bottle, hunker down and pray for daylight!

Grace, that shirt is like a hang-over

I can tell by your inflection that you think what you’re saying is funny, but…no.

This room is a pig-sty and you’re a dirty pig boy

Things are mooey-loco at the officina

I’m sorry, you must have mistaken me for somebody else. My name is Anastasia Beverhausen. Anastasia like Russian Royalty, Beverhausen, like……….where the beaver…live.

Honey, do you know how many things are wrong with that sentence?

Honey, don’t start with that or I’m going to go after those pants.

Honey, we’ve talked about that blouse!

Time to pay for that house in the Bahamas

Forget the pooch, where’s the hooch?

You’re as stupid as you are tall... and bird like

Honey, your hair’s such a disaster, the Red Cross wouldn’t buy it a cup of coffee

Why? What’s going on? What’s happening? What are you telling me?

Hey, you know the rule, when we can see your neck you can have dessert. Rosario hug the girl, the school says she need affection.

Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner fudge is made!

Honey, I could suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick

What can I do? How can I help? What are we drinking?

That’s like saying Prada’s are just shoes or vodka is just a morning beverage.

Why don’t you read them that book they love: “Green Eggs and I’m Hammered”?

Honey, I don’t produce theatre, I AM theatre!

I Have No Responsibility, My Job's A Breeze And I Have A Great Rack!

Honey, I’m addicted to your stories, which is odd ‘cos I don’t have an addictive personality

She's gone to Mexico for a face-lift so many times, if you hit her on the head, prizes would fall out!

God made you in his image and I’m sure he doesn’t regret it that much!

It’s like childbirth but without the unpleasant child afterwards

Hello? Karen Walker’s panties!

Honey, now I understand what you’re saying. Nurse Carver is a woman?

Being a director is fun!

I once gave a rub-down. Either that or I gave an air-captain a handy. Either way, I made 20 dollars!

First, I thought, I’ll get him a hot guy….but then I thought, no. My Jack isn’t that shallow. Then I thought, well diamonds ARE a girls best friend, I’ll get him jewellery, but then I thought no, then I thought, I’ll get him some money, but then I thought, no, my Jackie can’t be bought. He works in the business that is show because he loves it... HA, I GOT YOU. Here you go honey, the dude, the jewels and the dough!

What is better than a cup of hot cocoa after riding your maid in the snow?

She just asked a fairy an engine question… oh my god we’re all gonna die.

You know, honey, I’m happy for you, and I’m happy for me too, I always wanted a black friend!

My mother was crazy, that’s why I had her committed. Well, she wasn’t so much crazy as she bugged me.

Don’t tell me what my own maid is, I know she’s a person, of course she’s a person. I’ll play you for her.

Shut up, Lucky Charms!

50 bucks huh? Well I guess my kid’s won’t have their “pay-off-the-bully” money tomorrow. But that’s ok ‘cos I’m the bully!!

This blows! If I wanted to spend Saturday handling heavy sacks, I would have stayed married to Stanley !

“Must have own sheets” she’s got a sense of humour!

I love errands. They’re like mini adventures for the undesirables

Oh Liz. I love when you do “cut to me”

Wow. How did I go my whole life without learning any of those words

Oh Yeah? Well, out of all the bars I’ve ever been kicked out of… that one had the best onion blossom!

Oh lord, what have I done to deserve this? Oh right. Well you got me there!

Ok Rosario, let me get this straight. You want to take time off to spend with your family? Uh-huh, yeh ok, good idea! Let me get on the horn right now to Air FAT CHANCE. Yeh they probably got a buzzard taking off out of La Guardia any minute now. What was that? That better not mean the same thing in Spanish as it does in English!

Honey, what is going on? finger-prints on the china, spots on the silver, the vodka is warm. What is this? Junior high?

(to her vodka) Thanks for coming!

Honey, it must be a relief to finally have someone else kill your party.

Are you jumping? Or am I under medicated?

The only thing to do now is get a blood test, pick out a big white cake and get a copy of “sloppy bride” magazine!

I can feel it in some of my original bones!

If I’d spent two years of my life looking for my dad, only to find out he’s dead, I don’t think there’d be a pill big enough to kill that pain…. Oh who am I kidding, they’d make me one!

Honey, you say "potato", I say "vodka"!

Look at me. When I first started working for "Grace Adler Designs", I was worried about so much. Would she like me? Would I be good at my job? And now look, I'm one of the richest women in the world! Sure, the two things are unrelated, but if you say it with the accents on the right words, it sounds inspiring!

(to Rosario) Oh yeah? Well I think the real mistake was when your father spotted your mother accross a crowded swamp; dragged her back to his hut and made you!

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